In 2021, I made the decision to delete my Facebook account with no warning. I didn’t deactivate my account, I deleted my account. I removed the app on my iphone, and that was that. I was done, cold turkey-style.
Did anyone notice my absence? Only one person reached out to me to ask if I was okay because they didn’t see my profile. I had 155 “friends” at the time of my departure, and only one reached out to see if I was alive and well.
Was there ever a real benefit to having Facebook? No, there wasn’t.
I communicated often with my closest friends via text message and in person (still do), and I never bothered maintaining “friendships” resulting from friend requests that were sent to me out of social pressure rather than a genuine interest to connect.
As time passed, I realized that not having Facebook and limiting my time on the only social media account I kept (Instagram–yes, I know it’s owned by Facebook) was beneficial to my well-being.
If you’re reading this thinking that you can’t possibly leave social media altogether or decrease the amount of time you spend on these platforms, I challenge you to try.
You should want to take back control of your time and invest it in ways that are beneficial to you, not to some company. It’s important to establish a healthy relationship with technology in general, one in which you’re in control.
The Plan
I have to admit that I didn’t have a plan when I decided to delete my Facebook account and limit my time on Instagram. I acted on impulse and never looked back.
I also have to admit that I always viewed having multiple social media accounts as a waste of precious time. I never signed up for Twitter or Snapchat, and I haven’t fallen victim to TikTok. Because I don’t want to be consumed by constant online connection, I don’t know what new social media platforms exist and I don’t care to know.
Acknowledging that not everyone has the same mindset or impulse, I recommend creating a plan to help you eliminate or reduce your social media use.
It’s here that I would like to introduce you to Cal Newport’s 2019 book Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World.
In the book, Newport lays out three steps:
- Define your technology rules
- Take a thirty-day break
- Reintroduce technology
In the first step, you’re defining what gets banned and what gets used minimally. Not every new technology (i.e. social media platforms, email, messaging apps) is essential to your existence, so determine what’s optional and ban it for thirty days.
The technology that gets minimal use during this thirty-day period is the technology that would cause significant harm in your personal and professional life if completely cut out, so you need to create a schedule that specifies when and how you use this technology.
Once you’ve categorized your technologies, take a thirty-day break. The next thirty days aren’t just to get you away from these technologies, the time is meant to be spent on “higher-quality activities.”
What are “higher-quality activities”? Connecting with family and friends in person; reading physical books and newspapers; learning a new skill; exploring your creativity through different mediums; sitting alone with your thoughts.
It’s not going to be easy, but the withdrawal symptoms will subside and you’ll find yourself free from these technologies and free to do other things.
At the end of your thirty-day break, ask yourself three questions before you reintroduce the technologies from which you took a break: Do these technologies support my values? Are these technologies the best way to support my values? How do I minimize the harm and maximize the value of these technologies?
If you value time with family and friends, is liking a photo on Facebook or Instagram really the best way to show you value them? Instead of checking social media to like recently uploaded photos, why not make a phone or video call instead? You could set up a bi-weekly thirty-minute recurring call to catch up on the latest news. If you’re in close proximity, why not visit in person every two weeks or once a month?
It’s easy to connect online, but are we really connecting with our loved ones with the like button? You’re receiving a quick dopamine hit, but you’re still clueless to what your family and friends are experiencing in real life if you don’t speak with them on a regular basis.
“Don’t underestimate the power of conversation.”
Ashley Stahl
The same can be applied to people who desperately depend on social media to maintain a professional network. Are the connections real?
The like button will never carry the same weight as connecting with someone in person or over the phone or email. If you work in the same office, schedule a fifteen-minute coffee break outside of the office. Perhaps being out of the office will allow for a more candid conversation about work.
If you’re not in the same office, schedule a fifteen-minute Zoom meeting. Come up with a plan to make it a recurring meeting without viewing it as an “optional” addition to your schedule, and don’t check Teams/Slack or email during this time.
Phone and video calls as well as in-person meetings require more effort and thus help create meaningful relationships.
View the time to connect with a colleague as important as a client meeting.
The Result
After I stopped using Facebook, I filled my time practicing French on Duolingo. By October 2022, I had practiced for a total of 225 days. While I didn’t read a lot in 2021 for various reasons, I read thirty books along with all of my magazine subscriptions in 2022. I carve out time in my calendar for these activities (see last week’s post) to ensure I follow through with them.
I feel a lot less angry and anxious because I consume news slowly via a newspaper and three magazine subscriptions. It really does make a difference when you’re not receiving notifications every ten minutes about the latest massacre or celebrity scandal.
My friendships never took a hit when I left Facebook, and they haven’t taken a hit since I reduced my time on Instagram. Just two days ago, I was celebrating my best friend’s web series premiere in her apartment.
I’ve always kept technology at arm’s length, so I never found it necessary to create a plan to limit my use of email or messaging apps. Social media is different. It’s designed to keep you glued to the screen, which makes it, in my opinion, the most dangerous of all new technologies.
The one that you have to work the hardest to limit.
There are people who would argue that work email is just as bad. But I disagree. Email isn’t the problem. The problem lies in an employer’s belief that you must answer every email that comes in; otherwise, the company is going to fail. That’s not a technology problem, that’s a business model problem.
It’s a mindset problem.
People really need to stop believing that these technologies are essential to one’s existence, personal or professional.
Whether you impulsively leave social media or create a plan to leave or reduce your time, you have to have the right mindset to achieve this goal. You have to believe that your time is sacred and would be better spent learning a new skill, reading a book, speaking with a loved one, or just listening to your own thoughts.
By taking back control of your time and filling it with high-quality activities, you’ll develop a healthy relationship with technology, social media in particular.
No, you’re not going to become a modern-day neanderthal if you’re not connected. On the contrary, you’ll be a well-rounded human being who understands how to maximize technology and minimize its harm.
Quick Tips:
- Turn on Do Not Disturb from 9:00p-7:00a (contacts in your Favorites will be able to contact you during these hours, if you’re concerned about emergencies).
- Create a schedule for social media use:
- Instagram is off limits before 10:00a and after 5:00p, checking it for twenty minutes once a day.
- Cal Newport and others would recommend less time: once a week.
- Create a schedule for email use:
- Don’t answer work emails after you leave the office. If you work remotely, shut down at 5:00p sharp. Yes, emails can wait until the next morning.
- Create a schedule for high-quality activities:
- Language learning (insert your high-quality activity here): 6:00-7:15p Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, and for one hour and a half on weekends.
- Reading (book/magazine/newspaper): 7:30-9:00p weekdays (more flexible on weekends).
- Netflix: 9:00-10:00p during the week and from 8:30-10:00p on weekends.
Recommended reading:
- Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport
- Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport (for my professional folks who believe work email can’t wait)
Very interesting indeed. I couldn’t agree more on the importance of limiting social media exposure. I think there are some beneficial aspects of it, but ultimately it appears to be A LOT of people thirsting for attention. “Being this dehydrated, and thirsting for attention can’t be healthy😵💫,” I’d think to myself.