I genuinely wanted to stay with the company I was with for a long time. I wanted to save a year’s worth of expenses in my emergency fund. I wanted to invest $15k-$20k a year in my retirement accounts. I genuinely wanted stability, financial stability, for a long time even if it meant staying at a company and in a position I didn’t really like.
I started off on the wrong foot at this company. From day one, I dealt with a male Cruella de Vil. He complained about everything. None of it was justified. All of it was a waste of time for everyone involved.
By November, everyone, including myself, thought he’d calmed down after several conversations were had with C-level executives. But like the calm before a storm, it was an illusion. He exploded in rage over a PowerPoint presentation I never worked on. He never apologized for his outburst. This event took place two days before Thanksgiving, and I decided to wait until after the holiday break to address the matter with my manager and Human Resources (HR).
His outburst, and much more, was addressed some time that week. The VP of HR scheduled a check-in with me in January as a way to prove to me that my well-being mattered and that the company was doing everything in its power to ensure a “collaborative” and “positive” work environment (it wasn’t). Future check-ins would be scheduled if necessary.
I thought, we all thought, naively, that all the drama ended after HR interceded. It didn’t.
My last day at the company was Friday, March 31.
I’ve never been one to shy away from change. Adaptability is the name of the game in my life. My comfort zone is my ability to adapt to whatever life throws my way.
But that comfort zone has a few cracks now that I’m 40. Doubt seeps in from time to time. Doubt seeped in when I applied to a job I’ve been after since 2018. Questions that my young self would never have asked swam through my subconscious, rising to the surface the minute I realized what I had achieved.
How will I manage financially? Do I really want to change? Do I need a change? What if it doesn’t work out? Will I be able to endure an erratic schedule once again? But I already have a job?
A friend’s post on Instagram made me realize that I was asking myself the wrong questions. I should have been asking myself…
What if this is a better opportunity for me? What if this position is more inline with who I am and what I want? What if I end up taking my professional life to the next level?
I wasn’t looking to leave my current job. It all happened so fast. I applied for the flight attendant position with a company I’ve wanted to work for since 2018 because my friend had gotten the job and encouraged me to try again.
On Friday, February 10, I tried again. I succeeded in the first round and moved onto the second round, and then I moved onto the third and final round. By the end of the final round on Thursday, February 16, I had the job. In less than a week, I had the job I applied to four times in five years.
While the sixteen applicants cheered and cried and hugged each other when the announcement was made, I was stoic. I realized that I wasn’t expressing any emotion, so I sprang to my feet, lest I appear ungrateful, to hug the woman next to me and to shake hands with other candidates. I sought out the woman I befriended at the hotel earlier that morning, hugging and congratulating her as she cried tears of joy.
We settled down and began the process of becoming employees. We filled out paperwork, took a drug test, and had our fingerprints taken. All of that was done while I remained completely numb.
I felt numb for the next two weeks.
Anthony Bourdain once said, “If you don’t risk the bad meal, you’ll never get the magical one.”
My previous experience as a flight attendant was a shitty one. I had good days, but I had mostly bad days. The company was a hot mess, the airplanes were fucking old, the passengers were one step up from Spirit passengers. I wanted out because I knew that things at the company were going to go from bad to worse within the next five years (shit hit the fan at the end of last year).
My last two office jobs were a living nightmare. Both having managers with tempers that will land them on social media or as defendants in a lawsuit one day.
While he’s referring to food, you can extrapolate from that sentence the need to experience the bad to appreciate the good.
No company is perfect. And I don’t want perfection, I want to work for a company that tries to be as good as it can be without all the fluff and is as attuned to the present day as any company should be.
I want the freedom and flexibility that comes with flying and from living in base. I want to experience the best of the airline industry.
At the end of February, I shook off the numbness, gave myself a pat on the back for finally achieving what I thought was impossible, and secretly thanked the executive I supported for fabricating a story about my seeming “distracted,” which confirmed that a new job was necessary.
I filled out more paperwork on March 8, and I chose my training date. I start flight attendant training for six weeks on May 1.
Because I was still two months away from starting my new role when I received the conditional job offer (CJO), I couldn’t ignore the negative questions that popped into my head. I definitely spent a day or two every week in March ruminating my decision. Doubt never settled in and made itself comfortable, but it was present even if for a little while.
I had to remind myself to think of the possibilities.
And that’s what it’s all about, right? The grass isn’t greener on the other side, and it isn’t dead. The other side is full of opportunities.
It’s healthy to doubt our actions especially given our respective circumstances, but it’s equally important to be positive when taking risks.
If at any point doubt rises to the surface after you’ve made a decision, ask yourself…
¿Y todo sale bien?
I made your blog!! I feel como una estrella!! ❤️❤️❤️🙏